Books! And Cleverness!
by NewSincerity
Summary: "There are more important things — friendship and bravery and —" She always knew she had a duty to the trio. She just didn't know she had to literally choose between them to fulfill it. Please, read and review!


**Disclaimer/ A/N: **All characters belong to JK Rowling. This is my first Harry Potter fanfic although I have been a fan of the movies, books, and fandom for quite a while. The psychological ramifications of being on the run in a beaten up tent, is what tugged at me into writing this. Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to comment!

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><p>She always knew she had a duty to the trio aside from keeping them from flunking out of Hogwarts. She just didn't know she had to literally choose between them to fulfill it.<p>

Hermione Jean Granger had a knack for knowing what was to come. She knew from the start of this Horcrux search that she needed to stay with Harry. He needed as many people on his side, by his side, as possible. She knew since the start of their friendship, when Harry courageously –albeit nearsightedly jumped onto that mountain troll, that they needed to be able to willingly lay their lives on the line for eachother, there on out.

But Hermione Jean Granger had no mirroring foresight for her own heart. She didn't know that toward the end of sixth year, things would get serious between her and the fiery red head –that he'd change in a way that made her more susceptible to quiet conversations with him, which included fleeting looks and hushed giggling. She didn't even know she was _able_ to giggle. She didn't know how heartbreakingly crushed she'd be of him, as he left the two in a cold, lonely tent; didn't know that she was able to fall into a state of mind that couldn't stop her from crying for days.

She didn't know that she was going to get over it.

And would do so by seeking solace from the person_ she_ was supposed to be supporting. The person she stayed for, even after seeing her only chance at a future walk out the door.

She didn't know she'd realize what her heart knew all along but her brain did not.

All this time she tricked herself into falling for Ron's advances, no matter how much he got her to cry in frustration. She reasoned that his family treated her like family –that he grew up in an environment she would one day like to mimic for her own offspring –that since he's changed a little bit from his childhood self, it's a small window for what's to come. She clung to his advances because she saw in him the future that would hold their past. Something whole, something reachable; something normal.

But him walking out at the crux of the journey, where all three of them were low on spirit, (and he was _selfish_ enough to leave them), was proof enough that her and Ron couldn't –wouldn't work out.

After mourning his abandonment, she spent her hours on guard mulling over these details, these mirages she somehow had herself believe. In some ways they could have come true, if it weren't for both their character flaws searing eachother the wrong way –if it weren't for the constant nagging voice in her head telling her that she had other choices. But what? Or who?

When she was ready to talk again, Harry was eager to fill the day with easy conversation. She supposed conversation had always been easy between them to begin with, but this was intentional on his part, and she appreciated his effort. They talked about the past, their progress; how angry they both were at Ron –but then how much they missed him. In these moments, a comfortable silence rested between the two. This silence happened frequently, especially when the both of them feverishly attempted to look through leads in the piles of books Hermione pulled out of her purse; when the sun had long set and the fire crackled warmly. Harry would sit in front of her on the floor, as she crossed her legs on the cot, and intermittently, she'd reach out and comb through his hair a little in comfort, and he in turn would gently hold her hand and rub a calloused thumb over her knuckles.

These little moments of contact weren't new, but they held more meaning now than ever. They were alone, and on the run; there was no other source of human interaction but with eachother, and sometimes words weren't enough. In this tent, their proximity slowly increased, and eventually they frequently found themselves literally leaning on one another. Hermione caught herself thinking about this occurrence once or twice as it happened, and attributed it to both loneliness and nature. They were lonely and cared deeply for one another, so it was natural to have things turn out the way they did. And as slowly as this change in their interaction occurred, so did the change in feeling she had toward Harry.

During one of her shifts on guard, she bit her lip so deeply in thought, she almost bled. She thought of the napping form inside the tent and became tinged with a bit of guilt. Guilt for thinking about Harry as a romantic prospect, guilt for still having feelings for Ron even after all this time. No longer was Harry just Harry, _her best friend_; but she thought more about _why_ she stayed for him... and Harry became Harry, _her confidant_. Harry, _her second opinion_. Harry, _the boy she stood by and vowed to protect with all she can_. She realized she truly loved him. And he, her. She realized for the rest of their lives, because of this experience they've had together –of the multiple experiences they themselves shared together, that every other relationship they will have, will pale slightly in comparison. They will value eachother's opinions higher than that of others'; they will always seek out one another first on any future pivotal moments, and they will always and have always spoke without speaking.

But she also realized that this would be a dead end.

Due to their bouts of broodiness and seclusion, the two of them would end up isolating themselves even when they shouldn't. They'd think too hard on everything, and possibly wallow in more self-pity than it's worth. Although in this time, they are able to support eachother, they might get used to doing so if confronted with the possibility of voluntarily staying together. They needed Ron.

Harry needed Ron –Ron was his only source of kinship, _his_ opportunity to normalcy. A large, happy family; Ginny, and a bond with Ron that virtually made them brothers. Their mindsets were awfully similar, but Ron had the upbringing that led him to seeing things in the big picture rather than the little details –which Harry needed, because sometimes those details became trifling.

...Then Harry and Ron didn't really need _her_, did they?

–No, of course they did. She was the voice of reason when the two of them thought too alike and _forgot_ the grueling little details. But, romantically speaking, if she were to choose Harry, it would almost be selfish of her. She would be taking away his only prospect of a family, of something as close to a brother as he can get; and he'd only be having her in exchange. Her _without _her own family, either. No matter how right they _could have been_, she also couldn't let herself take all of that away from him. And besides that, the two boys wouldn't let her leave them, either.

So, on that snowy, cold guard-shift outside of their unassuming tent, Hermione Jean Granger overwrote her heart and silenced her brain. She loved the both of them, but the three needed eachother, and she had a duty to keep the trio together. ...It was so unfair, that this responsibility laid solely on her shoulders; that she wasn't allowed to pursue a relationship which would have been considered as healthy as it could be for their situation; so unfair for Ron to give up on them, _making_ her realize that she _could have loved _Harry.

Harry groggily stepped out of the tent to relieve her of her duties, and was greeted with a long, tight hug. He warmly returned the affection, and without breaking the embrace, switched the necklace onto himself, then presumed watch. Wordlessly, Hermione slipped into the tent, peeked at his huddled form, and pursed her lips as a few tears spilled down her cheeks.

She always knew she had a duty to the trio aside from keeping them from flunking out of Hogwarts. She just didn't know she had to literally choose between them to fulfill it.

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><p><strong>AN**: A reviewer pointed out that Hermione's self-sacrificial attitude was partially narrow-minded and tragic, especially in the view of the Weasleys being both her and Harry's _only_ salvation. Yes, I am aware of this; but as you know, she's only what, 17? And wearing a locket that emphasizes dark emotions? Although she's experienced a lot, we find that this trio in particular, still have childish (narrow) views as to what should happen and what they should do, especially when it comes to love. This wasn't their end, so this isn't _the moment_ she _actually_ chooses Ron over Harry, (I don't think you can truly stop yourself from having romantic feelings, but they can fade away,) so this is where she consciously understands that Harry isn't hers to have. Especially for her alone.

I'm sure as the trio grew from this, together and separately, Hermione ends up undoubtedly loving Ron, for more reasons than she can count, and for just being Ron; and vice versa. This is just a peek at what _might_ have been going through her head during this time of the series.

Emotions were emphasized, things seemed bleak, and the saddest story is always what _could have been._

_...  
><em>

** Anon "Me"** - You shouldn't put this under Harry and Hermione if you aren't going to have them end up together, because Ron/Hermione is just sick and wrong.

(..._**What? How is that at all constructive or logically criticizing.**_ Please refrain from being _that_ obtuse. It may _not_ be a romance story _between_ Harry & Hermione, but it _is_ a story _about_ Harry & Hermione _in_ a romantic light! The genres are Friendship first, and _then_ Romance, good sir/madame.)


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